A couple I am working with are both on their third marriages and are both over sixty years of age. This couple has well-established patterns of relating. These patterns are not producing the kind of marriage they both hoped to have.
In counseling we aren’t talking about fighting fair or division of tasks or even the way they spend their money. While those things are important they don’t change the fabric of a relationship. They don’t change that at the end of the day both partners feel lonely and don’t know how to build a connection. An emotional connection that creates a sense of team. A sense of belonging. A sense of being known by the other that invites vulnerability and authenticity in all conversations.
You see when you have a safe base at home, a base of acceptance and belonging, you can go out into the world and thrive. When you are unsure how your partner feels about you and if they even really know you or get you it effects the way you show up in your job. It affects how you show up at the gym; volunteering and even places of worship.
The kind of marriage counseling I do helps couples to show up authentically. In each session I guide the conversation that leads to being known and experiencing acceptance and love. Together we slowly tackle the pain and often years of distance between them. We weave and knit a strong emotional bond between them. A bond that allows them to navigate tasks of marriage successfully.
If you feel more alone now in your marriage than in the first few months of your marriage, get help. Find a therapist that has been trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy. Find a therapist that can help you even on your third marriage after sixty. If you are in the Vancouver area call me at 360 524-1870 to start building a better marriage today.