The internet connection in my bedroom is poor, and occasionally when I sign in to Facebook I get a notice that says “Reestablishing Lost Connection.” The last time I received that message, I laughed and thought, Wow, I often do that with my counseling clients! I help them recreate a connection with their spouse, God or sometimes with both.
God designed our lives to work best when He is at the center; when we are connected in mind and heart to Him. Out of this primary relationship we seek to do all else in life. When I don’t make time to talk with Him or hear His perspective on my life, I tend to exhaust my supply of faith, grace and patience pretty quickly. If we’re not rooted in His abundant love, we respond to difficulties with fear.
When we don’t emotionally connect with our spouses, we often run out of the grace and love needed to relate with each other well. We engage in fearful thoughts rather than loving thoughts:
He doesn’t understand me and probably never will.
She is so critical; she doesn’t seem to like me anymore.
I don’t know if I can tell her the truth about my addiction and how much I want to get free.
I don’t think He wants to listen to all my struggles with my sister.
Disconnection is similar to emotional distance. A spouse can feel and see when their partner’s goal is to create a safe distance rather than a loving connection. Instead of working hard to resolve their last conflict, they avoid each other until they can tolerate one another again. Instead of being vulnerable and sharing their minds and hearts, they choose to share only positive things or say nothing at all. Instead of setting aside a night each week to spend with their spouse, they say yes to another late night of work or dinner out with friends.
Are you experiencing emotional distance or disconnection with your partner?
- Begin moving toward each other by drawing close to the Source of grace and love.
- Be intentional about time with your spouse.
- Deepen the conversation by moving from facts to feelings.
- Clearly state that you want to listen to what they have to say.
- “Tell me more” is a great way to expand the conversation.
Let’s get as interested in reestablishing the connection with our spouse as we are in reestablishing the connection with Facebook.
If you need help getting started, call and set up an appointment with me.